I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
