My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
