At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
