how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
