Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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