she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Operation Purity has been aborted
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
