I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
