Will you blow on my dice?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
This is my gift to your gina
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
