My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
