All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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