Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
