Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
