guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
