So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So much Jack, so little girl.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
