I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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