Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
