i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
