he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
this is an emotional support booty call
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
