You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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