Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
