Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
