I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
it glows. i had to have it.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
