I just threw up on my dentist
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
