Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
