Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
