The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
