Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
