SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
