your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
