I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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