I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
