it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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