While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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