It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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