Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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