I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
