Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
