You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
