video games are the ultimate cock blocker
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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