I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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