just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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