when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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