He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
