I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
