I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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