It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
