and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
