i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
