hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
