She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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